Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue

Okay, now things have just gotten silly. Long have us patient Kingdom Hearts fans weathered wacky names in 358/2 Days and Re:Coded all for the sake of Kingdom Hearts III's ever-nebulous release, but Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue? That's not just absurd -- that's pretentious word salad scribbled straight from the aspiring teenager debuting their Kingdom Hearts/Animorphs/My Little Pony crossover fanfiction into the world. Not that Kingdom Hearts wasn't already a fanfictional fever dream in itself, but how on earth am I supposed to say that with a straight face? Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue -- gads, even just typing that feels nasty. Thankfully, our ever-oblivious director in Tetsuya Nomura comes to the rescue with his faux-rocket science:

"This Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance compilation follows the previously HD work 2.5...and is worthy as taking its place as 2.6. Since Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover/Kingdom Hearts Unchained is supposed to be the first game in the mainline series, that is being represented as '0' in the collection. And lastly, Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep is '0.1' and that then leads into Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep."

Where do I even begin? The made-up math? The constant name influx? That despite said collection including Dream Drop Distance -- the convoluted but necessary step into the upcoming finale -- the presence of tech demo Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep -A fragmentary passage- and movie Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover only further inflates the baggage of confusing names and superfluous events? Granted, maybe the latter's unfair to 0.2 -- god, did I really just type that? -- but we'll get into that later.

Regardless, we are here to review a video game, and that's what we shall do. As already implied, this collection -- which I'll refer to as Final Chapter Prologue -- sets up the "Xehanort Saga" finale, with a refurbished Dream Drop Distance port, a post-Birth By Sleep tech demo meant to "preview" Kingdom Hearts III's battle mechanics, and a movie (Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover) based off the Kingdom Hearts Unchained mobile game. Putting it this way: 2/3 of Final Chapter Prologue is entirely brand new, but their subsidiary design renders them possibly the most peripheral of Kingdom Hearts experiences: functionally, they're merely serviceable; contextually, they are, yet again -- and at best -- inoffensive episodes that're appreciated, but hardly necessary.

Only the Dream Drop Distance remaster avoids such neutrality -- for better or worse, depending on your opinion for that game -- and even that may initially come across as a Re:Chain of Memories-esque effort considering it has no Final Mix of its own, rendering it more or less the same game we played on 3DS. With only the touch-screen operable Reality Shift mechanic needing a re-haul, this may be problematic: owing to a rushed release, Dream Drop Distance was notorious for its relative absence of content, and outside of refreshing one's memory, there isn't an overtly driving need for a replay.

And then, you actually play it. The last thing I was expecting regarding this port was it being 60 FPS -- me, someone who often regards those who dismiss new games purely for inadequate frame rates with an exaggerated, contemptuous eye-roll (admittedly, out of an intentionally-obtuse perspective on my part), is stunned at how smooth this remaster runs. Operating at a much more fluid pace than its 3DS original, the tech aficionado certainly beams with pride, confident there's no better way to commemorate a handheld game game's transition to TV. Not hypocritical ol' me, of course -- I shall certainly reap the benefits, but I'm not about to plop down another forty bucks for PS4 versions of 1.5 and 2.5 merely for their 60 FPS allure. (Really, get back to me whenever I finally get around to the Tales of Symphonia PS3 remaster and its 30 FPS, then we'll talk.)

We've already come to expect what graphical tinkering Square-Enix applies for remastering, so let's focus on something different: the camera. Possibly the main culprit behind me noticing the FPS upgrade, the camera's more drawn-back than on handheld, shifting from the original's up-close KHI-esque camera into KHII's wider perspective. The former fit snugly for a compact 3DS, but comes across as claustrophobic when relocated into our TVs -- working within the game engine's confines, it cleverly broadens Sora and Riku's dream adventures by distancing away from outdated character models and observe the beautiful, fluid animation.

Reality Shifts -- Sora and Riku's reality-morphing powers shifting the landscape -- shed off touch controls and were retooled for your handy PS4 controllers. Considering it's been six years since I played the original, I rely upon YouTube videos reminding me of their former functions (which in itself is inconvenient, considering direct-feed play doesn't display finger-work.). Regardless, I'd like to think their instant operations within battle proves quite advantageous; for instance, rather than tediously drawing our Faithline routes, our young protagonists choose where to slide -- and by association attack -- wherever we please. (Apparently the Dream Eater mini-games were also stripped of touch screen/AR functionality, but, well, who cares, really.)

There exist other upgrades -- I'm told there are improvements to hitstun and enemy patterns, but again, six years will suppress with any minute details such as that -- but by and large, Dream Drop Distance is still the same "just fine" stopgap for Kingdom Hearts III -- it plays fine, it looks fine, Yoko Shimomura's score remains its only astounding quality,  and the story's...well, still dumb, but all the remastering efforts are appreciated. Regardless of any 60 FPS/gameplay upgrades, I truly wonder if fans turned off before could warm up to this version, considering its the same thing -- you can only go so far with remastering, after all.

But something new? That's another story, albeit it's not quite what we want. Putting aside the dumb name that is Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep -A fragmentary passage-, I hesitate using the name "game" -- at best, it's a two-hour tech demo serving as proof-of-concept for Kingdom Hearts III's combat engine and nothing else, further complicating the narrative in the untold story of Aqua's meeting with King Mickey. Again, I'm being too harsh: it's not completely without merit, but the thing's just...there. I struggle remembering it, I strain myself recalling any peculiar flaws, and my gosh, does all that make this review tough to write.

Let's see if I can jog my memory: breaking apart from Birth by Sleep's Command Decks, said proof-of-concept functions more akin to the two mainline games and their assigned button menus for main commands (Attack/Magic/Items). In spite of tossing an acrobatic, magic-based Birth by Sleep character (Aqua) into the mix, it certainly feels familiar, albeit there's not much for thrills -- much of the bosses are reskins of base concepts, and the only compelling set-piece is late-game: a swirling rail-skating segment wherein we dodge the incoming girth of imposing Darkside Heartless.

There exist attempts at depth: achievements to acquire, costumes to unlocked and a half-baked "secret boss" that's just a reiteration of a previous one. Of these, only the costumes bear any interest: putting aside that customizable headwear and such were confirmed for Kingdom Hearts III, I'm more intrigued by how this is the one and only avenue The Aristocats will likely ever be represented in Kingdom Hearts. I know all five fans were surely ecstatic, but my love for cats aside, I imagine the mere presence of a Marie headband contributes to 0.2's impartiality more than anything else. (Granted, Kingdom Hearts II featured the nadir of Disney films in Chicken Little, so I suppose the sky's the limit. At least we never had a High School Musical world or anything, ick.)

If nothing else, I point to 0.2 as Willa Holland's Aqua -- something commonly dismissed as too monotone -- being quite appropriate for the character. Said direction actually makes sense for her spoiler-filled predicament, and that it's complemented by a phantom version haunting her sanity produces the game's -- sorry, demo's only source of storytelling engagement. If only the same could be said for Jason Dohring's continually flat Terra -- his dull reads well after Birth by Sleep's mishaps clearly aren't directional woes, as whatever direction he's aiming only serves to stiffen whatever scene he's in.

To summarize, 0.2's perhaps Kingdom Hearts's most neutral product -- it's another story that's nice to see, yet isn't necessarily, well, necessary. I walk into it expecting a serviceable preview, and exit only wondering why the ending kickstarting Sora's Kingdom Hearts III journey couldn't have just as easily been inserted into said game (Not that it's anything major, but needless to say, I'm curious how that game'll open). That I can't even recall Yoko Shimomura's score -- barring the final boss theme, which has a mighty imposing orchestral arrangement I've only just learned Square-Enix took off YouTube -- speaks to its disinterested identity.

Which brings me to Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover -- when considering all my vitriol towards the Re:Coded movie, I should have every reason to hate this feature more: despite focusing on a mobile I have no interest in playing, its emphasis on a significant event (The participants of The Keyblade War, who operate under the Master of Masters' tutelage) would suggest otherwise. But it doesn't: driving under one unifying, unsolved conflict ("Who is the traitor?"),  it is an aimless tale, posing questions rather than answering anything, and hardly gives us a reason to care about these masked Keyblade wielders or what relevance they'll possess for the series' future (barring one figure, who has a quick cameo in 0.2).

And yet, my reaction is indifference. To be fair, there exist key differences between this and Re:Coded: as opposed to that rancidity's three hours, it's just under sixty minutes, and it doesn't juggle too much convoluted jargon. It's that same neutrality within that also makes a difference -- Re:Coded frequently assaults me with enforced stupidity, but much as the characters' actions here could subscribe to said lack of thinking, that I don't care about any of them renders Back Cover a purgatorial viewing. At best, it's a commercial for a game I bear zero interest in, and I'm content with simply walking out and letting it languish to memory.

I do, however, bear budding adversity to this film's events-- and by extension, Kingdom Hearts Unchained χ -- continuing within Kingdom Hearts III. Let it be known that outside of gambling concerns and whatnot, I bear no ill-will towards mobile games: I adore Fire Emblem Heroes and Super Mario Run, casually enjoy Pokémon Go, and find Part-Time UFO an adorable diversion for HAL Laboratory. Putting it this way: I'm not opposed to the idea of a self-contained Kingdom Hearts mobile game -- surely, we can agree there's some business sense in avatars romping about with Keyblades in hand, appealing just fine to a younger fanbase immersed into DeviantArt OCs and multi-chapter fanfiction epics.

But it tying into the main series, complete with locking key events within? No, I'm interested in Sora, Riku, Aqua, and the rest marching forward with a tale I've followed since adolescence; I'm not interested in chibified kiddies running around with the same exact Disney cameos I've already witnessed a hundred times. Point to Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far all you like: that the average fan was expected to keep up with every single entry on however many different platforms was already far too much to ask. Mobile gaming can certainly be host to deep experiences outside of momentary diversions, but their inherent restrictions are ill-suited for a mainline continuation. (The following bit of anecdotal evidence may also be telling: My mother, who attended Kingdom Hearts Orchestra - World Tour with me last year, expressed displeasure at the Unchained χ segment featuring "Baby Belle.")

When considering Kingdom Hearts III's protracted development, it's only natural the ensuing sludge that is Nomura/Square-Enix corporate's over-ambition over the past decade festered into the final product. I cannot over-exaggerate and claim the presence of unnecessary titles will fell the hotly-anticipated title in a whirlwind of chaotic bloat -- but said chaos is enough to give me pause. Whether Kingdom Hearts III will live up to expectations in just over a week's time is anyone's guess, but when considering all the nonsense hitherto, I await its launch date with cautious -- if not hopeful -- apprehension.