At this point, I think it's necessary to discuss why Leave Luck to Heaven has been gathering dust for the past few weeks.
I have not had a great 2011. Granted, the same thing could be said for the last several years, but the difference here is that, aside from my internships and college, I've lacked any form of cohesive schedule/motivation. I suppose this isn't something especially new, but the added responsibility of the blog has reinforced these subjects in to my everyday life (as opposed to just dealing with required objectives such as homework and chores).
Thing is, though, as much as I've put the blame on college work for the lack of updates in the spring, I really could have sprinkled posts in-between my work if I had tried. However, I kept putting it off, telling myself that "I'll get around to it in a half hour," and I continued to repeat this line until I found myself too tired to work on whatever I had planned to post, not having typed in a single letter. As a result, I kept forcing myself into crunch times, which not only ruined whatever self-improvement schedule I had planned for myself but added a lot of stress that, in the long run, wasn't really necessary.
Is that I don't really want to do this anymore? Not really. There's a lot I'd like to discuss here, but there's so many factors working against my failing system on here, and it's not so much the blog itself as it is myself. I've fallen into a sort of dangerous comfort zone over the last six years or so, and it's a sort of trap where I accomplish absolutely nothing and even though I daydream daily about some sort of grand scheme to escape it and transform my life into something better, I'm too accustomed to my lazy everyday lifestyle to change it. In other words, this comfort zone rejects my efforts at hard work and has been my number one enemy regarding the blog.
That, and I've come to terms with the fact that I'm insecure about myself. I often beat myself up mentally on a regular basis, whether it's regarding guilt, or the fact I'm lying around doing accomplishing nothing, or feeling that I'm living under a rock, or whatever. The source of this is a variety of issues I won't get into, but my recent insecurity has dealt with my writing, and many times I just wonder if it's all worth it. I compare myself to other writers and journalists who spin the same cloth I do, and deep down I feel as if my writing capabilities don't match up at all. While I can admit I'm still an amateur in the grand scheme of things, negativity and self-doubt have been at my side for much of my teen life.
What doesn't help this (and is probably the source) is I'm doing something...shall I say, ambitious with my next Pikmin Seed and it may surprise you to hear that I'm quite scared how it's going to turn out. It's something I've wanted to talk about ever since I started the blog, and yet I've wasted my time worrying and worrying that my current writing level won't be adequate to describe I'm trying to get across.However, the real issue is that I'm angry at myself for not just putting this whole thing off for so long, but the entire series as well. If I had really done my best, I could have wrapped this whole thing up in June or even early May. Instead, I still have about four posts left and it's just a big stress factor about something that shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Obviously, I've been pondering a great deal about this troublesome situation over the past month, most of it regarding the future of the blog. Recently, I've come to the conclusion that while I still want to write on it, I really need to make it less of a priority. Here's the deal: While I do plan on getting the Pikmin seeds done and over with THIS MONTH, the thought of kicking back and just taking it easy as I'll be preparing the transition to college next month is becoming more and more of an ideal thought for me. As much as I like writing on here, I'm really tired of structuring my time around the blog. I was literally becoming its slave, and that's not a healthy situation for anyone!
By "taking it easy," yes, I do mean I will be be popping up less frequently. Not only will I have a much easier time conforming to my new dorm life, but I'll have all the time in the world to say, hunt down screenshots as opposed to nabbing all of them at the last minute. That, and...it'll just be a fresh change of pace. In all honesty, I'd like to experiment with the other sections of the blog rather than focus on my current Game structure.
I am taking steps in my life to deal with most of the issues listed above, and I do want readers to know that I'll be starting work on the blog tomorrow. There are also two other posts I'd like to go over soon (one of which is a review!), so please look forward to those as well.
Edit: Made a HUGE mistake with the date of this post. As of this edit, it's July 6th, and I think I posted this three or two days ago...not in late June!!! I'm sorry for any confusion.