Thursday, February 28, 2019

Sleeping With The Enemy: Admitting Fault (Hey Poor Player)






Truth be told, I've been bearing some unflattering insecurities regarding my writing, and Sleeping With The Enemy took the full brunt. With its objective in bearing my soul, I feared my topics bore irrelevant fruit, that I lacked the appropriate prose necessary to convey an effective thesis, or, worst of all, that such hesitation proved my inability to maintain an audience as a game journalist. This caused a significant delay, and it's weighed upon me heavily.

Regardless, here's the next iteration involving Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. True to the subject matter, I hope any criticism paves the road to a better future.

On a lighter note, there's been exciting developments behind-the-scenes for Hey Poor Player! I can't share them now, but you can expect them within next month. I suspect this'll finally be the breakthrough our little site's been waiting for, so I'll be giving it my all!

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

One Piece Vol. 89 Review (Hey Poor Player)



....oh dear, I've been so focused on my next Sleeping with the Enemy that I forgot to archive this here. Anyway, BOY AM I READY FOR WHOLE CAKE TO END.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

US Government “Borrowed” Yoshi’s Island DS Music For EPA Flash Game (Hey Poor Player)



I'm sharing this for no reason other than that this is the funnest article I've ever written. Yours truly took it upon himself to document the latest feud between Yoshi, tax-thieving extraordinaire, and our own US government.

(In case you were wondering, no, I don't buy the EPA's latest statement -- clearly Yoshi had a hand.)

Nyankees Vol. 1 Review (Hey Poor Player)




What, you didn't think a cat manga review was inevitable?

Anyway, expect a steady flow of "one and done" Vol. 1 reviews beginning this spring -- I'm beginning to recognize it's not just about analyzing what you love, but the general influx of what the media produces.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Super Mario Bros. 3


Before I begin this review proper, I must confess there exist two factors that've always dumbfounded me regarding Super Mario Bros. 3, the NES game revered as the system's masterwork. Admittedly, one bears little on the game's quality in itself; mainly, the shock that its original Japanese release was a whole two years earlier in 1988 than its 1990 American release. Technically speaking, that's more so a year-and-a-half (Japan's October 23, 1988 to America's February 12, 1990 -- and that's to say nothing of Europe's August 29, 1991!), but the point is, I just think it's silly 1988 America was busy greeting a reassembled black sheep in Super Mario Bros. 2 while Japan was living it up with the Holy Grail of 8-Bit Gaming. As always with the medium, The Land of the Rising Sun really does have it good.

The other cause -- one immediately more relevant and, as evidenced by this Koji Kondo interview, has certainly confounded others -- is how I am never not baffled by the silent title screen. Anyone who's played the Super Mario All-Stars remake should certainly recall the jubilant ragtime remix of the classic Underwater Theme, perfectly accompanying the game's curtain-raising opening via choreography: the subdued drone introducing Mario and Luigi, the trumpeting eruption of delight greeting not only both the title and the theater's showers of enemies and power-ups, but our joy in playing one of the greatest 2D platformers ever crafted. A disorientation perhaps exclusive to those who played the SNES/GBA versions first (including yours truly), this aural absence unveils our first impressions of Super Mario Bros. 3 as a stunning retcon, its reduction to silent pantomime a bewildering relic.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Case Closed Vol. 69 Review




As mentioned on Twitter, this'll be the last Case Closed review for the foreseeable future. Not that I haven't fallen out of love with the series or anything, the series' rigid formula produced repetition that often impeded consistent critical thought. As I plan to branch out into other manga this spring, this difficulty rendered it prime for the axe. Consequently, I suspect my more ardent  readers may notice my wavering conviction throughout this particular review.

Regardless, we'll be back on track with game reviews here soon. Expect to see Sleeping with the Enemy return this month as well.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Dr. Stone Vol. 3 Review (Hey Poor Player)



It's insane how much better Dr. Stone gets once Taiju and Yuzuhira are out of the picture. I can't recommend this enough.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

The Promised Neverland Vol. 7 Review



And we've finally wrapped up the Manga Review Deluge from Hell! Give me a round of applause, why don't you?

Anyway, there's just two more reviews I scheduled for this month (Case Closed/Dr. Stone), so look forward to those.


Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue



Okay, now things have just gotten silly. Long have us patient Kingdom Hearts fans weathered wacky names in 358/2 Days and Re:Coded all for the sake of Kingdom Hearts III's ever-nebulous release, but Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue? That's not just absurd -- that's pretentious word salad scribbled straight from the aspiring teenager debuting their Kingdom Hearts/Animorphs/My Little Pony crossover fanfiction into the world. Not that Kingdom Hearts wasn't already a fanfictional fever dream in itself, but how on earth am I supposed to say that with a straight face? Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue -- gads, even just typing that feels nasty. Thankfully, our ever-oblivious director in Tetsuya Nomura comes to the rescue with his faux-rocket science:

"This Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance compilation follows the previously HD work 2.5...and is worthy as taking its place as 2.6. Since Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover/Kingdom Hearts Unchained is supposed to be the first game in the mainline series, that is being represented as '0' in the collection. And lastly, Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep is '0.1' and that then leads into Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep."

Where do I even begin? The made-up math? The constant name influx? That despite said collection including Dream Drop Distance -- the convoluted but necessary step into the upcoming finale -- the presence of tech demo Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep -A fragmentary passage- and movie Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover only further inflates the baggage of confusing names and superfluous events? Granted, maybe the latter's unfair to 0.2 -- god, did I really just type that? -- but we'll get into that later.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Worldly Weekend: Kingdom Hearts 2.5 HD ReMIX

Disclaimer: This article serves as the "main" reviews for Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix and Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep Final Mix, as I possess no interest in importing the original versions.



Now, here's something certainly more bang for your buck: two Final Mixes in one collection. Sure, there's a rancid movie adaption included, but why complain when there's two Holy Grails finally localized into English? To say Kingdom Hearts 2.5 HD ReMIX -- the second of the three Kingdom Hearts collections we're reviewing -- chronologically focuses on the post-Kingdom Hearts portion of the saga would be a tad misleading considering the presence of prequel Birth by Sleep, but it's not like 358/2 Days -- a game requiring intimate knowledge of Kingdom Hearts II -- being present in the first collection made much sense either. As we've elaborated countless times, no one really knows what goes on with this series, so let's just roll with it.

So anyway: Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, Birth by Sleep Final Mix, and a movie adaption of Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded. For the moment, let us pretend that last one doesn't exist, and observe the majesty previously denied to us Westerners. True, dedicated PSP owners may've circumvented the handheld's region-free capabilities for Birth by Sleep, but let's not pretend the English language's presence doesn't produce convenience for everyone else. Yet with Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix being the more famed of the two, it's only natural we begin with the collection's main attraction.